Strength For Today

A journey of keeping my heart, mind, and body in TODAY

I am NOT Worthy

on August 10, 2014









I have been in an emotional battle lately.  I have been in face to face combat with feelings of inadequacy in many areas of my life, especially my writing.  I have stood toe to toe with the monster of unworthiness.  I have been dodging bullets of insufficiency, and tiptoeing around in the minefield of all that seems to be lacking within me.  I have wrestled with my own incompleteness until the point of exhaustion.  And I have fallen into the trap of doubting my limited human capabilities time and time again.

At first glance, this appears to be spiritual warfare to me.  At first glance, I think that I have been listening to the lies of the deceiver, and giving him victory over my emotions.  At first glance.   I should tell you all that I haven’t been combatting these emotions blindly.  I have been fully aware of the war, and actively engaged in each new battle.  In fact, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve just told Satan to GET BEHIND ME!

The emotional battle continued, no matter how many times I rebuked the LIE!  I must admit, it was starting to get downright aggravating.  Until it hit me.  This is definitely a spiritual battle that I am fighting.  But I’m starting to think that it isn’t with the deceiver.  I’m starting to think that this emotional turmoil is actually exactly where GOD wants me right now.  Why would God be responsible for these ugly emotions?  Only one reason comes to mind:  Because its TRUE.

I believe God wants me to fully submit to His worthiness, His adequacy, His sufficiency, His abundance, His completeness, and His limitlessness!  The only way for me to fully submit to these attributes of God, is to fully recognize my own humanness.  If I am still depending on my own strength to get me through, then how can I be fully committed to Him?  Simple.  I can’t.

My human nature, my FLESH, wants me to believe that I can handle this life.  The truth is, apart from God, I can handle nothing!  I am not worthy of my calling.  But GOD IS worthy of my obedience to His calling.  Alone, I am inadequate for just about everything I am called to do.  But GOD is completely adequate.  My strength and my talents are insufficient to carry me through to the final stretch of this journey called life.  But GOD is totally sufficient.  In fact, His Word tells me that His strength is made perfect in my weakness!!  On my own, I lack for any good thing.  But, thank GOD that HIS ABUNDANCE makes up for all that I lack!  I am and will always be incomplete while on this Earth, in this body.  God is the only complete that exists, and I will know completeness when I stand before Him in Heaven.  Finally, my capabilities are definitely limited.  I am only one person, and can only do and handle so much.  But when I place my life in His hands, the possibilities are limitless, because God is limitless!  

Oh, Thank the LORD that I do not have to rely on my own human strength to make it through this life!  Praise God that I can LEAN into Him in every single area of my life, from my parenting to my writing, from my finances to my career, from my health to my marriage and recovery…  in ALL things, He is and will continue to be MORE THAN ENOUGH.

Finally, I think I get it.  I can stop fighting these emotions.  I can start accepting that this is exactly where God wants me.  He wants me to experience my humanness in FULL right now because He has something He is preparing me for.  Whatever that is, I am not privileged to know.  But I am led to believe that it is going to require my total trust in HIS capabilities and not my own!  In His Sovereignty, I can trust that He knows all.  He knows exactly what He is doing and exactly WHY He is doing it.  God never promises a comfortable life.  In fact, He promises suffering, trials, and tribulations.  And He promises that we will NEVER walk through them alone.  Tonight, I am going to rest in that truth. God is working out something within me, so He can use me for His purposes.  Ok Lord, once again, YOU win!!!













One response to “I am NOT Worthy

  1. joan Broederdorf says:

    Dawn thank you for your writings they are beautiful!

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