Strength For Today

A journey of keeping my heart, mind, and body in TODAY

Beautifully Broken

I am a Beautifully Broken daughter of the Almighty King!

From the time I first stepped into the world of recovery, God has been telling me that I am going to be sharing my story.  He has been telling me that I am going to be speaking and writing for Him.  He has been showing me that He tells His story through the circumstances of my life!  I am being used as a vessel to carry the beautiful message of the glorious Gospel through the brokenness that is and was my life.  I can think of no higher calling.

I have struggled with this calling since the first time I felt it.  I have a history of being very prideful.  I have a history of wanting….no, of needing to be the center of attention.  I have a history of wanting all eyes on me, pats on my back, and praises for my performance.  So….when the concept of sharing my story through the venues of speaking and writing came to my mind, I pushed it aside – and called it a twisted desire for attention.

God has continued the promptings, regardless of my efforts to minimize it as my own ego.  Every time I read a book by a Christian woman author, I get excited about the fact that someday I will write one myself.  Every time I attend a Christian woman’s conference, and I listen to women share their amazing journeys with the Lord, I feel God telling me that one day, I too will grace the stage and share His story.  If all of that sounds a  bit conceited, I would agree with you.  Which is why I kept pushing it aside.

You know, something I have learned on this walk, is that God doesn’t give up easily.  He is long-suffering, and far more patient that I can ever understand.  He continues to nudge me in this area.  He does it by increasing my joy each and every time I share my story.  Even if I am in the aisle at Walmart (true story…this actually happened) sharing a piece of God’s story through my own, He fills me to overflowing with joy.  When I get up to speak at a public venue, giving my testimony, I speak without planning or organizing my thoughts.  His message flows from my mouth with a fluidity and beauty that clearly does not come from me.  My mind goes blank every time before I speak, and I get anxious thinking “What if I have nothing to say when I go up there?”.  But He is so faithful, and every time I open my mouth, the words…His words….come out.  My brokenness, His beauty!! When I sit to write on my blog, or in my journal, or any time I am writing about God, I cannot contain the joy that fills my heart.  I am instantly at ease and totally content as my fingers slide over the keys on my laptop or my phone, or as the pen scrawls on the page.

Interestingly enough, as I reflect on the seasons of my walk, my “desert days” are when I am not sharing my story through either the written or spoken word.  When I am quiet, it is like I begin to dry up inside.  My tank becomes empty.  Oh, this is definitely a calling.  I don’t quite understand how it is going to play out yet, but I think that is half the adventure!  What I do know is that I have stopped minimizing it as my mere ego, and have fully recognized and embraced it as His call.  I have opened my life for Him to move in whatever way He pleases, and what will come of that – I have no idea.  But I do know it will be exactly as He wants it, in exactly the time He plans it…and that is all that really matters to me.

The title “Beautifully Broken” was given to me a couple of weeks after I made the conscious choice to embrace God’s call to writing and speaking.  He has given me a heart for brokenness.  He has walked, and continues to walk me through my own brokenness, and has given me the honor of being able to help others walk through their brokenness as well.  I believe that the title “Beautifully Broken” will be the title of my first book.  I have started writing a bit here and there, and am basically in the waiting room right now, waiting for Him to make His next move.  One thing He has done is gather together a group of writers and speakers, all with the calling to speak and write about brokenness.  We have met in person once and are going to be meeting for a time of prayer and worship again soon.  We all know that we are on this path and have come together for a purpose much bigger than our own…we just don’t quite know what that is.  God hasn’t revealed to any of us what His master plan in this gathering of minds and hearts is yet.  We are all patiently waiting and seeking Him at a deeper and more intimate level in the interim.

God continues to amaze me every single day!  I am so deeply in love with our Creator!  My heart and my soul cry out for more of Him!!  I cannot wait to see this journey through to the end….but the beauty right now is in experiencing it unfold right before my eyes, day by beautiful day.


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