Strength For Today

A journey of keeping my heart, mind, and body in TODAY

Psalm 91:4

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.  ~Psalm 91:4

He will cover me. He will protect me.  He will shelter me and guard me.  I can run to Him.  I can find strength in Him.  I can find safety under His protection.  I can seek Him and He will provide these things for me.  He will be my shield and my rampart – my defense.

This image brings me such peace and confidence, not in anything that I am but in everything that He is.  He is so GREAT! He is so Powerful!  How can anything stop me if God is on my side?  How can I lose if God is my Shield and Rampart? How can I fall if He is always lifting me up?

There is so much about this verse that I just want to wrap up in.  Like a blanket.  A warm blanket.  A warm fuzzy blanket.

But, alas, that is not where I am at today.  The Truth of this verse is just not sinking in.  I mean, I get it.  I believe that God is who He says He is and that He will do what He says He will do.  But, today, I’m just not feeling it.  It just hasn’t gone past the surface of my thoughts.  This awareness provides me an opportunity to dig a little deeper into why.  And I am grateful for that.


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Psalm 91: Day 3

S: Surely He will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. Psalm 91:3

O:  As I read this text, I love how the words HE WILL pop right off the page!  Two very simple words.  Just a pronoun and a verb.  He will.  He will. He WILL!!!  God’s amazing faithfulness is what stands out to me in these two words.  When I read “He will…” throughout the pages of His Word, I am drawn to the fact that He is a God of 100% faithfulness.  Not 99%.  Not even 99.9999%.  ONE HUNDRED PERCENT faithful!  So, if God is the only perfect Faithful One, then I can hold Him to His Word every single time.  I can count on Him every single time.  I can have FAITH in Him.  Every single time.

So, what am I having faith in, according to Psalm 91:3?  I am having faith that God Himself will SAVE ME!!  I am having faith that, no matter what, I can count on Him to save me.  Is that going to look the way I THINK it should look, every time?  Chances are NO.  My human concept of “save” and God’s Truth of “Save” are sometimes very different.

For example, how many times do we hear questions like these?  “If God is so good, then why did He let _____________ happen?”   or  “If God is such a good God, then why do bad things keep happening?”  or  “If God is so real, and He loves us, then why are children being abused and killed?  Why are their rapists and murderers?  Why does He let people kill people because they believe in Him? Why doesn’t He stop that?”  

I mean, if I read Psalm 91:3 literally, I read that HE WILL SAVE ME FROM THE FOWLER’s SNARE (the trap of evildoers) and FROM DEADLY PESTILENCE (deadly disease).  And if God is who He says He is, then those questions could be valid…  WHY IS THERE STILL ALL THIS BROKENNESS in the world if God is so FAITHFUL to KEEP HIS PROMISE?  WHY IS THERE DISEASE and WHY ARE INNOCENT PEOPLE BEING KILLED (sometimes even for HIS sake) every single day?  WHY???

Well, I am just a simple woman – NOT a theologian, priest, pastor, or minister – but if I look closely enough at God’s Word, and I read beyond this isolated verse, I can see that God never promised to save me from the fowler’s snare or the deadly pestilence by removing the problem.  He never promises that there wouldn’t be snares or pestilence – but rather that there would be these things. In fact, have you considered this?  

If the brokenness didn’t exist, then why would the saving even be necessary?

Never once in His Word does God promise us that life will be easy or without pain and suffering.  His Promise is that He will be with us THROUGH these things.  His promise is that, if we make Him our DWELLING, our SHELTER, our REFUGE, and our FORTRESS, then He will be our Savior!  He will save us from ALL of the brokenness, from EVERY snare, from EVERY disease…He will save us.  And this saving isn’t the same as our human concept of saving.

He doesn’t always save us from the circumstance.  He saves us in the circumstance.  Sometimes He even saves us through the circumstance. God’s saving Grace is far bigger than the human mind can possibly understand.  But if God is who He says He is, then He will do what He says He will do.  In His way and in His time.

A:  I will trust that God IS who He says He is, and that He WILL do what He says He will do!

P: God, you are so beautiful!  You are sovereign!  You are all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving!  You are GOD!!!  Lord, there are so many broken people in this world.  There are so many people who are hurting, so many lives that are falling apart. Lord, I pray for each one of these people now.  I don’t know them, Father, but You do.  You know what they need and You know what they don’t.  You know what Your plan is for their life, and You have and will continue to work out the plan that You have prepared.  Lord, I just pray that they would have hearts that are open to You, and that they would seek You out.  I pray that all those who are in need of healing, would turn to You – and find it.  In Jesus I pray!  Amen

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Psalm 91: Day 2

S- I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”

O- Again, this verse so beautifully states my part.  In verse 1, I am reminded that my part is to dwell in the shelter of the Lord, and in verse 2 my part is to proclaim my decision to trust in my God!  This is not passive by any means.  Verse 2 is written in a very active voice.  My part here is to say, to speak, to share my faith in my God.  The use of the word “He” in this verse along with the phrase “I will say of the Lord” expresses very clearly that I am not saying these words to the Lord, but rather to someone else.

He IS my refuge!  He IS my fortress!  What a mighty God we serve!  These words, REFUGE and FORTRESS create powerful images of protection!  God isn’t just some entity who lives separately from us. Not just some giant man in the sky, sitting on His throne, looking down on the world and passively sitting back – doing nothing.  THAT IS NOT THE CHARACTER OF GOD.  Rather, God is a VERY active God.  He is here with us, right now! He is a dwelling place, He is a shelter, He is a place of rest, He is a refuge, He is a fortress!!!  I mean, just LOOK at those words for a second!  In just two small verses in one little chapter of the Bible, God’s character is illuminated beautifully.  You can’t dwell in something that isn’t right there in your midst.  You can’t seek shelter or rest in something that isn’t right there. You can’t find refuge or a fortress of protection from something that isn’t there all around you!  But the Bible says in black and white that GOD IS ALL OF THESE THINGS.  So, either we serve a VERY active and present God – or the Bible isn’t telling us the truth.  It’s one or the other.

A– Expressing my belief in my God to anyone who will listen – this is how I read this verse.  I choose to make the Lord my dwelling, I choose to seek shelter in Him, I choose to find my rest in Him – and then I choose to share these decisions!  I proclaim my faith in God, and I tell anyone who will listen that He is the One I put my trust in, HE is the One I turn to for protection!!  Only God!

P- Lord!  I love you!  I trust you!  In all things!  Please, Lord, grant me the willingness and the opportunity to boldly proclaim my faith in You!  Please provide me opportunities to share with those who have never heard of You as You reveal Yourself in your Word.  Please provide me opportunities to help others see how truly BEAUTIFUL You are, how much you Love us, and how active You are in our life!  God!  So many people don’t understand that You are a very real, very tangible, very present God!  People think that You don’t care Lord!  Help me share Your Truth with those who need to hear it! Prepare hearts Lord, as only You can!  Make a way Father!  Open hearts, open minds, open doors!  In Jesus I pray! Amen

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Have you ever been lost?  The kind of lost where you are looking all around you, and you recognize nothing?  The kind of lost where you have no idea which way is the right way to go?  The kind of lost that twists up all your insides and makes your heart pound with the intensity of a bass drum?

Have you ever experienced the panic that rises up when you realize that you are that kind of lost?

It’s kind of hard to get that lost these days, what with GPS and Smart Phones which seem like they can do anything you ask them to do.  I actually just recently stumbled on the fact that my iphone 4S (yes, I know, it’s antiquated already) can find a location for me, and all I have to do is push a button and ask “Siri” to get me there.  She even does all the talking!  I barely have to lift a finger, and wa-la! I’ve “arrived at my destination”.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had that kind of direction when it came to our spiritual journey?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just push a button and ask God which direction to go?  Or ask Him how much longer until we reach our destination?  Or, just plain ask Him where we ARE?  Wouldn’t it be nice if when we asked Him those things, His response would be as concrete as Siri’s?  “Dawn, you are 2 years and 3 days from your destination.  However, if you make this choice you are about to make, that will set you back another 5 years.”  Wouldn’t that be just amazing?

Would it?

I mean, think about it for a minute.  Would you really want to know?  Some days, I would answer that question with a resounding YES!!  Please!  And some days, I would answer that same question with an absolute NO.  What is the difference?  I think, at least for me, there are days when I am so wrapped up in my own head – days when I wander so far from the path that God has so lovingly laid before me – that I just can’t seem to see.  And quite frankly, I panic.

I get that kind of lost.  I can’t see Him.  I can’t see the next step to take.  When this happens, this desperation for direction takes over me, and I start looking to MYSELF to figure it out.  It’s like I start running in circles in my mind, and I get nowhere.  On those days, I yearn for the spiritual “easy button”, or “mapquest”.  I have enough experience to know that God tends not to meet my panic with instant gratification, however.  He doesn’t provide that clear, concise “voice prompt” the way I would prefer.  Instead, He lovingly and patiently deals with me in a much softer way.

God directs me, this I know to be fact.  How do I know this?  Because I believe the Bible is fact.  And Proverbs 16:9 tells me that “a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps”.  So, I know that God will always guide me along the way, if I let Him.  The times I become lost, those are the times that I am grabbing the wheel again.  Those are the times I am trying to find MY way instead of HIS.  Those are the times I am TRYING too hard to make things work out.  Do you know what I mean?  The paradox of working so hard to make things come together, and all they seem to do is fall apart.  This is where I get LOST.

I may not be able to access God the way I can access “Siri” on my iphone 4S, but I can connect with Him at any time and point in my day.  It’s called prayer.  God may not respond as succinctly or immediately as Siri does, but He will always respond, and He will always show me the way.  God is 100% faithful.  He guides me back to His Word, the ultimate GPS.  It is there, in the quiet moments of reflection in His Word, that I just might hear the whisper, “This is the way, walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21).

And then, I will no longer be lost.

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Precious Moments

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.  They cannot be numbered!  I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!  ~Psalm 139:17-18

I am feeling edgy this morning.  Edgy, irritated, frustrated, impatient, guilty, and just all around blah. I really have grown to dislike mornings like this.  The way I feel, my emotions, are just ugly. A morning spent wearing these emotions can wind up catapulting the rest of my day into a cycle of one bad experience after another.  I know…I’ve experienced it many times.  If I’m not careful, my emotions can become my idol.  My god.  A power that I bow down to, that I submit to, that I give control to.  If I’m not careful.

It’s on days like this that I have to be extremely intentional.  Intentional with my words.  Intentional with my actions. Intentional, even, with my thoughts.  In order to do that, I also have to remain aware.  It is almost like I have to be on constant “alert”, waiting for the next thought that enters my mind, and deciding whether to allow it to stay, or remove it immediately.  It can get exhausting, for sure, but it is much better than the alternative.

The alternative to me being aware and intentional of my thoughts, words, and actions is me losing my “cool”.  It looks like me slamming cabinet doors and stomping through the kitchen with that extra “loud” footstep….It sounds like me taking on a “tone” with my daughter when she shares how she is feeling with me, and I didn’t care for her words….It feels like me taking everything happening around me like a personal attack ON me.  This is kind of the way my morning began today. I wasn’t paying attention to my emotional state.  Suddenly I found myself slamming cabinet doors, walking around with the extra “stomp” in my step, hearing the edginess in my voice as my daughter awoke in her typical groggy, yet slightly-over-emotional-11-year-old-way.  I witnessed my own body acting in a way that felt awful to me, and probably looked and sounded awful to my children as well.

So, right here I sit. With a choice.  I can feel guilty the rest of the day about the way I behaved this morning, looking only at the negatives.  Or I can choose a different path.  I can choose the path of looking to the Cross instead of at my guilt.  I can take the path of focusing on Jesus rather than my own pain.  I can follow the footsteps of Christ instead of my own desire to sink into self-pity.  I can open an email, read the words on the screen, be reminded how God’s thoughts are on me  CONSTANTLY, and know – KNOW at the center of my being – that I am NOT alone, and that I do NOT have to carry this pain with me all day.  I have the strength to overcome, because I have the Strength of the Lord.  Period.  Nothing else is needed.  He IS sufficient, in all things, at all times.

I think I know which path to take.

So, how can I be INTENTIONAL on a day like this?  First of all, my emotions absolutely can NOT be my guide.  They can NOT be my focus point either.  So, that’s step one.  Take the power away from my emotions.  Refuse to be driven by the way I feel.

There is a Truth I have discovered on my recovery journey that will apply today.  When I remove one thing from my mind, I must replace it with another.  So, if I am going to choose to remove the power from my emotions – I have to place it somewhere.  Where is that?  In God.  The power belongs to Him.  He is the One who should guide me today. He should be my focus point as well.  Which is pretty easy, most days.  Most days I am able to go to God with ease. Just thinking, by default, many times will lead me right to the Throne.  Not right now.  Right now it feels difficult to even pray. Negative emotions do a great job at clouding up the pathway to peace, in essence, to connection with God. So, I need something to focus on that will take me away from my emotional state, so the clouds can clear.  There is one thing that always works…. it is the sunshine that has yet to fail me.  This light that chases the clouds away is called GRATITUDE.  Being thankful is the very best way I have found to remove myself from my own pain and misery.  Step two, practice gratitude.

Get out of my head, and into someone else’s world.  That is step three.  I need to remove myself from isolation, and give myself in service to another human being.  God created us to serve Him by serving each other.  So, the third thing I will do the minute I stop typing this is to go find another person for whom I can be of service.

And perhaps, when all is said and done – I won’t be carrying around these negative emotions any longer.  To be honest, I’m already feeling better, just by getting it out.  Sometimes I wish I could be writing for the benefit of another person – but I know that God has me where He wants me now, which is writing for the sake of my own learning and growing.  And that’s good enough for me 🙂  Hey, if one or two others can relate – why that is a bonus, and a bonus is a beautiful thing.


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It’s Not My Fault

I have been doing some thinking this morning. Pondering, really – over this beautiful life that I get to lead today. I have been considering where I stand and contemplating where I stood.  I have been quietly reflecting on what it used to be like, what happened, and what it is like today.  And I have decided, that it is NOT my fault!

For the past week or so, I have been studying the book of Hebrews.  I’ve been doing it in community and on my own.  I have been asking God to reveal to me that which HE wants me to understand.  And I think that He is reminding me, this amazing place I sit today has NOTHING to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do with Him.  He is the One who has done it, not me.

If my life were of my own making, I would still be stuck in the shameful, sinful ways I used to live.  On my own, I am a sinful woman, filled with desires of the flesh – and behaviors which today, quite plainly, disgust me. On my own, I can still be that woman if I choose to.  I can still let the desires of my flesh devour the peace that has taken root in my heart.  I can follow any path I choose, as a matter of fact.  If it were up to ME – just Dawn, apart from God – I’d probably still be making the same poor choices and walking the same dark roads.

But, thankfully, it isn’t up to me anymore.  I took that burden off my shoulders when I surrendered my life to Christ.  I removed from myself the RIGHT to live in my sins when I CHOSE To give everything I am to Him.  Today, this life I lead – this amazing life, abundant with beautiful things – this life is CLEARLY not MY FAULT.  It is not my doing, not my design, not my intended way to live.  And I am so grateful for that.

I am in awe of the way God works.  The changes He has made inside of my heart which have overflowed into my outward “self”, still simply amaze me.  And I hope it always does.  The way I live today, the choices I make, the words I say, even the thoughts I think – none of it is ME.  It is all Him.  And I’ve never been happier or felt more FREE than I do today.  Simply one of the most amazing paradoxes.  I DIE to myself daily, so that I can live truly FREE.

I am so grateful today.  Words cannot express the true depth of the gratitude I feel, but hopefully this gives you just a taste. Life WITH God in control, is truly that.  LIFE.


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He Makes Wars Cease

There is so much darkness in our world.  Especially right now.  Every time I turn on the radio, I hear more reports of violence, war, pain, suffering, and death.  I have to be honest and say that sometimes, I just have to pop in a CD instead.  The escape into beautiful Praise and Worship music feels so much better than listening to all the horrific things that are happening in our world right now.  It literally makes my stomach churn.

Well, God must be doing something in this area of my heart, because lately I have turned off the radio less, and have been listening more.  I am starting to pay attention to the happenings of the world.  I am starting to listen, really listen. And I have to say that there is a fear that creeps around the edges of my heart when I think about the safety of our country.

Thank the Lord that I have Faith, because my Faith is what keeps the fear from seeping into my heart.  My Faith keeps that fear at bay.  I have confidence in what I believe.  I believe that the God I serve is GREATER than anything that is happening in our world.  I believe that He is Sovereign, and that all that is taking place is not only known by Him, but also allowed by Him.  I believe that if God wanted to put an end to the evil, He could and He would.  I do not understand why He is allowing it to go on – but that is not my place.  As the Word tells me:

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9

and again….

“Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?”  Romans 11:34

and again….

Who can fathom the Spirit of the LORD, or instruct the LORD as his counselor?  Isaiah 40:13

and again….

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.   Ecclesiastes 11:5

and yet again….

“Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’ Does your work say, ‘The potter has no hands’?   Isaiah 45:9

It is not my place to know why or to even try to understand why God allows the things He allows.  I can trust that it is for the ultimate Good.  I can trust that He is going to use every bit of it to further the Kingdom.  I can trust that those whose lives are being sacrificed because of their belief are resting perfectly in His absolute Love in Heaven right now.  I can trust that He is GOD, and He is in control.  Why can I trust in these things?  Because I have Faith.

I have Faith that God is who He says He is, and He will do all that He says He will do.

Wars will cease, I have no doubt.  It may not be in my lifetime, or yours, but they will cease.  And it is God who will cause that to occur.

Until that day, what can we do?  Well, it is not up to us to change the world, but I believe we can make a difference.  It starts in our home, with our own children.  We can teach them love, acceptance, and tolerance as a way of life. We can teach them about Christ and lead them to loving Him with their whole hearts.  We can encourage them to live lives of peace and love.  We can do this every single day.  We may not be able to do anything about what is happening globally right now, but what we choose to do today does impact our future.  There is an old hymn that is coming to mind, and feels like the right thing to start living by:

“Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me”.


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Identity Crisis

A question was posed to me at church this weekend, which spoke directly to the heart of what I have been struggling with in my soul:

 “What is distorting your true identity?”

In order for me to expand on why that question was so poignant to me, let me tell you a little bit about what has been going on inside of me.  I have been struggling with this concept of “not fitting in” again recently.  I say again, because it is something I have battled for most of my life.  That sense of belonging was one that never quite seemed to settle on my heart while I was growing up, and even throughout most of my adulthood.  Since coming to Christ, however, and since stepping into recovery from my alcoholism, I have really not been dealing with the issue of not belonging.  In fact, for the better part of the last 4 years of my life, I have felt that I finally found the place where I did belong.

So, why the struggle?

That is the very question I have been asking myself.  It is like all of a sudden, this deep desire for acceptance has consumed my life again.  This unquenchable hunger and thirst for validation, for approval, for comfort.  These things have not been a focus of my walk, so when they come up with such a vengeance, I am forced to take a look at myself.

A couple of things surfaced immediately.  I recognized that I have been lazy in my mornings, and my routine is way off.  You might not find that very significant, but this is a big deal for me.  My mornings are my time with God.  It is in my mornings where I “fuel up” for the day, so to speak.  If I start my day spending quality time with the Lord in prayer and meditation – journaling, reading, connecting – I typically spend the rest of my day feeling happy, joyous, and free.  When I start my day “running on self”, the rest of the day typically falls apart!  Sometimes I am fortunate enough to recognize it, and am able to stop and focus myself on God – a type of “reboot” – and finish off better than I began.  But sometimes that is not the case.  Sometimes I spend an entire day running on “self”, or several days, or sometimes even longer.  You can bet that those strings of time spent living in my own power are days which I am not feeling, thinking, or behaving quite right.

What has been going on lately has been probably the worst string of “self-driven misery” that I have had in quite a while. It didn’t look or feel the way it typically does when I am stuck in myself, therefore I didn’t recognize it right away.  Then, when I did become aware that I wasn’t placing God first, I started trying to change my performance, but my thinking remained the same.  Have you ever tried that before?  Tried to change something you are doing without changing the way you are thinking?  Let me be the first to tell you: it is a DISASTER every single time.  I have found, time and time again, that I simply cannot change my actions unless I first change the way I am thinking.  So, needless to say, I was continuing to walk in a very uncomfortable way.

I’ve been in this battle with self a lot lately.  Good days.  Bad days.  Blah days.  But, it has been a constant struggle to maintain anything for very long.  I’ve been unable to write with the freedom I typically write with.  I’ve been unable to pray with the fervency I typically pray with.  I’ve struggled in my relationships, in my work, in everything.  And the answer was so simple, so right there in front of my face all the time – how I miss it, I still do not understand.  But it came to me from a simple question:

 “What is distorting your true identity?”


The answer?  ME.

I distort my true identity.  I get in the way of the mirror that God so lovingly places in front of me every single day.  Who am I?  I am Dawn, a beautifully redeemed daughter to the One True King!  I am Dawn, a fully restored and rightly-placed child of GOD.  I am Dawn, a wonderfully renewed and perfectly accepted woman, created by GOD, and placed in the role of mother, of wife, of teacher.  I am Dawn, clothed in a ROBE of the RIGHTEOUSNESS of Christ! I am Dawn.  I am free.  I am no longer bound to my flesh, no longer bound to my sin, no longer bound to live a life apart from the saving Grace of the Lord Jesus Himself, the author and perfecter of my FAITH.  I am Dawn, and I am FREE.  That is my true identity.

Perhaps that is where I need to start every single day.  Reading those words to myself, reminding me of my true identity – and looking in the mirror that GOD gives me, instead of the distorted image that I create myself.

Anyone with me?

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Suicide : Is There Any Hope?

Suicide is not a fun topic to write about.  It is not something that I care to spend much time thinking about either.  In fact, if I were to be totally honest with you, I would say that I am extremely uncomfortable even typing these first few sentences.  What do I know about suicide?  Nothing, really.

But, I do know that yesterday’s news of Robin William’s death has really stirred up something in my heart.  A desire to learn, to understand, and to help.

Robin Williams is not the first person I have known to commit suicide.  Pause here.  Did you notice that I wrote “I have known” in that last sentence?  I mean, what did I really know about Robin Williams??  I knew nothing of the person behind the actor.  What I did know, was that he continuously portrayed happiness, joy, and a lightness of spirit in almost every movie he ever acted in.  I find it interesting, yet not at all surprising, that those of us who have watched his films over the years would be SO SHOCKED that he ended his own life yesterday.

On the surface – the Robin Williams we all “knew” was the definition of HAPPY, right?  I mean, he was the GENIE in Aladdin for goodness sake!  He was the voice of Good Morning Vietnam!  He was the sweet, loving, kind-hearted father who went to extremes for the sake of the love of his children in Mrs. Doubtfire.  He was Robin Williams.

He was an actor.  A darn good one at that.  And it is not like I am not aware of that fact.  I realize that there is a person behind every actor.  A person that the public rarely gets to know.  Why?  Because they would become too real.  They would become human. And maybe we would stop idolizing them.  Stop putting them on these pedestals.  Stop expecting them to be perfect just because we see them that way… or should I say, we WANT to see them that way?  Stop the pressure.  Just a thought.

The point of this message is not that actors should be more real. Please don’t stop reading here.  The point I am trying to get across is that EVERY person is an ACTOR.  And EVERY actor has a truth behind the life they lead for others to see.  I am an actor.  You are an actor.  We all present ourselves one way to the “world”, and another way behind the safety zone of our own hearts and minds.

This has become incredibly clear to me as I have walked alongside other women in recovery.  Being totally transparent and honest with others is something that does not come easy.  God blessed me early on in my recovery with the gift of transparency without shame. I have come to understand that this is a gift I should not take lightly.  I have learned that one of the most difficult things for some people to do, is to expose their “underbelly”, so to speak.  To get real.  To get gut-wrechingly honest.

And I have learned that this is an incredibly painful reality for those who suffer from the darkness of depression.  More often than not, they suffer in silence.  They become captives inside their own mind – prisoners in chains.  They walk a fine line of hopelessness, feeling very alone and isolated in the world.  They may not show it on the outside, but on the inside they are screaming for someone, anyone, to SEE them.  To know them.  To help them.

More often than not, we think we do know the people in our life.  We think we know them because we see what they want us to see.  Very few people ever get the opportunity to witness the true person behind the actor.  Sometimes I wonder if we were to invest a little more effort into the relationships around us, would we discover that most people are NOT who they portray themselves to be?  Would we discover that there is hurt and pain inside every heart, inside every life?  I would venture to say yes.  As I am beginning to invest myself into the lives of others, I am coming to find out that there is a great number of people just in the circle of those I know who suffer from depression.  Who battle constantly with negative self-image.  Who see themselves as “less-than” the rest of the world.  A great number.

I did a little research on suicide today.  Did you know that the number of suicides that take place every year in the United States of America is over 30,000?  Does it make you stop and wonder if anyone in your life might be heading in that direction?  Chances are, someone you know has contemplated ending his or her own life – probably more than once.  Even scarier is the fact that you probably know someone who has TRIED it.  Maybe you even know someone who has done it.

So, herein lies the REAL question I am posing:  Is there hope????

I say a resounding YES!!!!!  Depression has been around for as long as there have been people.  If you know anything about the Bible, you know that the psalmist suffered from severe depression.  How did he endure?  He dug his heels into his relationship with his Creator!  He called, cried out desperately, to God – and he was saved!!!  It’s all over the place in the book of Psalms.

Does that mean that all we must do is cry out, and sit and wait for God to move?  That is NOT what I am saying.  What I am saying is that a relationship with God is vital.  Crying out to God is the very first step we must take.  Then, as we are prompted to act…we must act.  Sometimes God will cause a miraculous healing to take place, and crying out to Him is all it takes for the darkness to lift.  More often than not, however, once we cry out to God – He will create circumstances in our lives in which we will be able to receive the help we so desperately need.  He will place resources in our path which will become vital to our recovery.

One of the most precious resources that God has bestowed upon us is people.  He gave us the gift of relationships.  We have EACH OTHER.  We are not alone!! What an amazing and priceless resource this is!  Reach out to someone today.  Ask them how they are. Then listen when they share.  Talk to them.  Listen to them.  Share with them.  Be someone’s hope.  You never know… God might use your words to reach them at exactly the right moment.  God might use YOU to save someone from walking the dark and desperate path toward suicide.

Get to know someone today.  And let someone really get to know you.  It might just save a life.



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I am NOT Worthy









I have been in an emotional battle lately.  I have been in face to face combat with feelings of inadequacy in many areas of my life, especially my writing.  I have stood toe to toe with the monster of unworthiness.  I have been dodging bullets of insufficiency, and tiptoeing around in the minefield of all that seems to be lacking within me.  I have wrestled with my own incompleteness until the point of exhaustion.  And I have fallen into the trap of doubting my limited human capabilities time and time again.

At first glance, this appears to be spiritual warfare to me.  At first glance, I think that I have been listening to the lies of the deceiver, and giving him victory over my emotions.  At first glance.   I should tell you all that I haven’t been combatting these emotions blindly.  I have been fully aware of the war, and actively engaged in each new battle.  In fact, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve just told Satan to GET BEHIND ME!

The emotional battle continued, no matter how many times I rebuked the LIE!  I must admit, it was starting to get downright aggravating.  Until it hit me.  This is definitely a spiritual battle that I am fighting.  But I’m starting to think that it isn’t with the deceiver.  I’m starting to think that this emotional turmoil is actually exactly where GOD wants me right now.  Why would God be responsible for these ugly emotions?  Only one reason comes to mind:  Because its TRUE.

I believe God wants me to fully submit to His worthiness, His adequacy, His sufficiency, His abundance, His completeness, and His limitlessness!  The only way for me to fully submit to these attributes of God, is to fully recognize my own humanness.  If I am still depending on my own strength to get me through, then how can I be fully committed to Him?  Simple.  I can’t.

My human nature, my FLESH, wants me to believe that I can handle this life.  The truth is, apart from God, I can handle nothing!  I am not worthy of my calling.  But GOD IS worthy of my obedience to His calling.  Alone, I am inadequate for just about everything I am called to do.  But GOD is completely adequate.  My strength and my talents are insufficient to carry me through to the final stretch of this journey called life.  But GOD is totally sufficient.  In fact, His Word tells me that His strength is made perfect in my weakness!!  On my own, I lack for any good thing.  But, thank GOD that HIS ABUNDANCE makes up for all that I lack!  I am and will always be incomplete while on this Earth, in this body.  God is the only complete that exists, and I will know completeness when I stand before Him in Heaven.  Finally, my capabilities are definitely limited.  I am only one person, and can only do and handle so much.  But when I place my life in His hands, the possibilities are limitless, because God is limitless!  

Oh, Thank the LORD that I do not have to rely on my own human strength to make it through this life!  Praise God that I can LEAN into Him in every single area of my life, from my parenting to my writing, from my finances to my career, from my health to my marriage and recovery…  in ALL things, He is and will continue to be MORE THAN ENOUGH.

Finally, I think I get it.  I can stop fighting these emotions.  I can start accepting that this is exactly where God wants me.  He wants me to experience my humanness in FULL right now because He has something He is preparing me for.  Whatever that is, I am not privileged to know.  But I am led to believe that it is going to require my total trust in HIS capabilities and not my own!  In His Sovereignty, I can trust that He knows all.  He knows exactly what He is doing and exactly WHY He is doing it.  God never promises a comfortable life.  In fact, He promises suffering, trials, and tribulations.  And He promises that we will NEVER walk through them alone.  Tonight, I am going to rest in that truth. God is working out something within me, so He can use me for His purposes.  Ok Lord, once again, YOU win!!!












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